gofer articles

Oh my God, I don’t know how Zalman Silber was allowed to make gazillions off his New York Skyride, a self-described interactive multimedia entertainment extravaganza for the entire family. The only reason this ride’s got on any claim to fame would be Kevin Bacon narrating the thirty-minute film, and that’s putting things nicely. Yeah, that’s right, it’s a movie: did you think thirty dollars was going to get you a real ride? I guess the promoters figured they could call it a “ride” because people happen to sit in seats – like any other ride, they seemed to have thought.

Okay, so Zalman Silber threw in some dohickeys in the seats to make them shake in tune to onscreen goings-on. But it’s a movie through and through, make no mistake. And despite its famous venue, the whole thing takes place on the second floor of the Empire State Building – that’s right, the second floor! You’d think that it was a ride to the top of the world-famous skyscraper; why else would they use the words “sky” and “ride?”

Needless to say, what else could you expect from an insurance salesman – a top one at that, too. Yes, make no mistake, this one is through and through about money money money. You pack in as many people as possible, rush them through a lame educational movie about New York history and the Empire State Building – and repeat day after day, just about every day of the year. Only be sure to mix in plenty of advertising and good old-fashioned ballyhooing!

Even the much touted “special access to the top” is nothing but overhyped baloney. All it is, is that guests, for an additional fee of course, are able to use the Skyride’s own elevator up – avoiding exactly one set of lines on the main floor! That’s it! Though described in terms which give the impression that you’d get a special express elevator straight to the observation deck, all you do is skip a few lines on the first floor.

Then again, the “attraction” isn’t a complete waste of money. After all, the locals need a job, and so as a tourist you can feel good about helping a little with their livelihoods. And it even feels warm and fuzzy to help contribute to the personal fortunes of the already rich Zalman, who like everyone else also needs money. But really, multimedia entertainment this is not, except for folks who have never stepped inside a half-way decent theater in their lives, past and present.

Okay, enough with the kvetching. The Skyride is solid “G” fare suitable for all ages. You get to skip a couple of lines. And you hear Kevin Bacon narrate. No big deal, but…well, it’s making money. Yes, somehow it’s making money by the fistful, so somebody’s recommending it!